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Welcome to my weekly newsletter – Where I use real stories from my life to unpack lessons and insights I have learnt. I hope you enjoy the material and gain something impactful to apply to your life.
What’s in store:
- What you don’t know about reality TV – inside info.
- How to become a luckier person.
- Why humans hurt others to protect themselves.
- Six key lessons you can apply to your life.
- Quote: They must not lose hope but should keep their courage in the certainty that the hopelessness of our struggle…
My tongue felt like sandpaper against the roof of my mouth, desperate for any moisture to alleviate the parched feeling – I tried to speak, but I barely could. The nerves had gotten the better of me. The spotlights and cameras were bearing down on me from above. I could smell the filament in the bulbs burning – that’s how close they felt. I tried to remain calm and not let the situation overwhelm me. I had one shot at this, one opportunity to make a lasting impression. I was up against thousands of people. I needed to stand out, be unique, and show them that I was the man for the job and that I HAD WHAT IT TAKES to be selected.
This was the final round of Auditioning for a 1 million rand reality TV show set on the Island of Curaçao off the coast of Venezuela in the Caribbean. I had to compete over three weeks in many mental and physical challenges. I had put in the time to watch every available bit of content on the TV show; I had researched the production company and the headline sponsor company. I knew the names of the directors and the key people in charge. I wanted to give myself the best possible chance of being selected.
Lesson #1 Put in the work. To increase your chances of “getting lucky, “ you need to increase your luck surface area. This means you must do what needs to be done to give yourself the best chance of “getting lucky.” This meant doing my research on the show and learning about everyone involved. I believe that I increased my luck surface area as much as possible because I did that. There was still so much that needed to go my way to be selected as 1 of 6 from thousands of entries. That part was not up to me. All I could do was hope and pray.
A week passed, and I had not heard a word. I clearly didn’t make the cut, I told myself. Another couple of days passed; I had made peace with it and moved on. Then, the phone rang; I answered, “Hi Trev, I have some terrible news… unfortunately, you will miss your birthday this year because you are flying out to the Caribbean for three weeks. Congratulations, you are off to compete for 1 million rands – elation on my part!
Luck = preparation meets opportunity. Be prepared so that you have both hands out when the opportunity shows up, ready to grab it.
Exhausted from a trek halfway across the world, we landed excited and ready for whatever they might throw at us. We had no idea what was in store; all we knew was that a significant crew contingency had already been on the island for a month preparing all the games and challenges we would be competing in. The logistical nightmare for them was evident.
The resort we were competing on was grand and luxurious; the ocean was turquoise, like the pictures. An experience of a lifetime awaited, or so I thought…
You watch a reality show on tv, and you are blown away by how everything falls into place. The challenges seemingly run unhitched, and the social interaction is always intriguing despite the bombastic rhetoric. You, as the viewer, are drawn in, and you can’t help but consume more. The production needs to produce an entertaining show. If that means you need to walk in five times to the challenge arena before you start the game, then so be it. If it means something In the challenge bombs out, and you are winning, and they need to do a retake, then so be it; you need to start the challenge over. Is it then fair when the challenges start over for the second time, and you don’t win this time? If two people don’t get on off camera, they will then make sure those two people don’t get on, on camera. That makes good tv drama, right?
Where do a negative attitude and entitlement fit in? Can one or two contestants hold a whole production hostage because they don’t “feel like” doing what they are told? Isn’t that what you sign up for? If they then threaten to quit. Does that not then put the whole TV show at risk? The dynamics are complicated, and the issues are numerous, but as the contestant, you must take it on the chin and move on. Otherwise, it will be to the detriment of your own game and affect your mindset. You need to be focused at all times if you want to win the grand prize.
Lesson #2 Accepting things outside of your control can be challenging, but it is an important skill to develop to maintain your mental and emotional well-being. Recognise what you can and cannot control: It is essential to understand that some things in life are beyond our control, and trying to change them will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Instead, focus on the things you can control and act in those areas.
This particular reality TV show involved you teaming up with a partner. I had the luxury of choosing my partner because I had won an individual challenge the day before. This was a difficult decision. It was a R1 million decision. I knew that if I went with brains, I had a 50% shot at winning, but if I went with brawn, well then I wasn’t as confident. The dilemma was emotionally exhausting. I had an afternoon to deliberate and weigh all possible partners’ pros and cons. They then had a chance to plead their case and “win me over.” This, for me, was exciting psychology. The different tactics people used to convince me that I should pick them were fascinating.
Going with brains would give me the best chance of winning as I had the brawn aspect covered. Yes, I knew I would have to carry, literally carry, my partner on certain occasions, but this would be worth it. We crushed the games; we crushed the challenges. So much so that we were labeled as cheaters. Shame the jealousy of the weak always rears its ugly head. We then had a battle to fight in front and behind the camera.
Lesson #3 Stay in your lane. We all have a responsibility in our lives to do the best we can do at all times. If this means you are shining your light and people feel insecure around you because of it. Don’t start playing small to make them feel better about themselves. You need to let your light shine even brighter. Do not let their insecurities influence the way you express yourself in this world. When you shine your light, you unconsciously give people the confidence to let their light shine.
Teams were getting eliminated around us and sent back to South Africa. We kept our heads down and continued to do what we did – fight tooth and nail. Other contestants’ true characters, or lack thereof, started coming to the fall as we continued to be the dominant team. Off-camera, things were getting nasty. More accusations, more degrading remakes, racist slurs, you name it, it came at me. My character was brought into question, and this was the hardest part. I was told I was cheating and was in cahoots with the production team. It questioned my ability to remain sane. Would it not be easier to throw in the towel and go home to my wife? I didn’t need this BS in my life. I didn’t need people to degrade me, to belittle me. To question my integrity and the values I stood by. These people didn’t know me from a bar of soap. I was amazed at how low people would go when their egos were bruised to make themselves feel better.
Lesson #4 – A man of virtue. Always remain true to yourself and stick to your values and the morals you hold dear. Suppose you find yourself attacked, belittled, or ostracised for what you believe in. Keep your head down and keep fighting the good fight. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it; I can promise you that. You will come out a victor.
We made it to the finale. My female partner and I were against two males in a three-hour gauntlet challenge involving many physical activities. I knew they had the upper hand on us, being much faster on foot. However, I knew they would make mistakes, and this is where we would pounce. It was the classic case of the tortoise and the hare. We would be slow, but we would be consistent.
Lesson #5 When your back is up against the ropes, will you succumb to your adversaries? Will you let the situation overwhelm and undermine you? Will you fight tooth and nail to keep your head above water, or will you drown under the pressure? What are you made of? Tough times make tough people – It’s really that simple.
This three-hour beast of a challenge climaxed on the top of a seventeenth-century castle ruin. It was spectacular; the views were breathtaking, overlooking the turquoise Caribbean ocean. We had collected all the available clues on the run-up to this castle. We now needed to complete this final puzzle. The two teams were neck and neck. What team would get the correct combination of the lock on the treasure chest, which held a million bucks? The sweat was pouring down my face; I was exhausted and stressed. We needed to complete this puzzle before the other team. We deserved to complete the puzzle before the other team. Had I done all I could to increase my luck surface area? Was God going to allow the favour stick to fall my way? We completed the puzzle marginally in front of the other team. However, we needed to use the clue from that puzzle in conjunction with all the clues we had picked up along the way to figure out the lock’s combination.
The lock did not want to open. We had one number incorrect of four. My stomach was in my mouth; had I just lost a million rand just like that? I ran off to double-check a previous clue. The other team, thankfully, had made a similar error. While I was double-checking the clue, my partner had the wits to realise she just needed that one more digit, so why not start at one and work her way up to nine – trying each combination option? It had to be one of them. I heard a scream from on top of the castle; she had cracked it. I sprinted at cheetah speed back up the hill and into the ruin. We had done it! We made our way up the final ladder to the top of the ruin. We were victors, champions.
The fifteen hours a day of shooting in the scorching Caribbean sun, not to mention the emotions, the blackmail, the degradation. It was forgotten when we opened that chest and realised we had done it; we had won.
Lesson #6 A confidant. Having someone by your side to help you face the onslaught of the difficulties and challenges you will face in your life is paramount. Yes, you can handle it alone, but it will be much harder for you, and the struggle may be much more protracted than you would like. Having a best friend, brother/sister, partner, or spouse, you can confide in will serve you well. Do not overlook this; certainly do not push that someone away when times get tough. Let them help, support and encourage you. There will be a time when they will need you too.
From being selected to participate in the show to the moment I opened that chest on top of that castle and raised the flag victoriously. Many things needed to go my way, and I truly believe God had my back, and I need to be thankful for this. It was my responsibility to prepare, and by preparing, I was increasing my luck surface area. Besides that, I did my best and lived each day with the hope that I would make it to the next.
They must not lose hope but should keep their courage in the certainty that the hopelessness of our struggle did not detract from its dignity and meaning. I said that someone looks down on each of us in difficult hours–a friend, a wife, somebody alive or dead, or a God–and he would not expect us to disappoint him. He would hope to find us suffering proudly–not miserably–knowing how to die.- Viktor Frankl (Man’s search for meaning)
In your day, be courageous, confident, and curious.
Your Friend
Trev.
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