Read time: 4 minutes.
Welcome to my weekly newsletter – Where I use real stories from my life to unpack lessons and insights I have learnt. I hope you enjoy the material and gain something impactful to apply to your life.
What’s in store:
- Hurtling towards death at over 100 km/h – A miracle?
- She was a princess – I was a coward. How could I do that to her?
- The battle of Troy – how a man’s pride will be his undoing. Check yourself!
- Quote: The only reason you survive an accident is not because you the luckiest or most blessed…
It was New Year’s eve.
We were barreling down a dusty dirt road in the heart of the wilderness, exceeding speeds of 100 km/h. Her blonde hair flowed freely in the wind below her helmet, and her arms wrapped tightly around my waist, trusting me with her life. Two kids with no care in the world, young, free, and building a connection, not yet understanding that responsibility had consequences. She was a tough ‘pragtige plaasmeisie’; I was a cocky overconfident selfish soutie.
I keep telling myself that heavy rains that week had washed away part of the road, but I have no idea if that was the case or not. All I know is there was no time to slow down, detour, or even think. I had lost control, and we were hurtling toward a certain death. Within an instant, we were tossed into the air like rag-dolls at a toddler’s birthday party. Somersaulting down the road, she slammed into the farm fence that ran parallel to the road, twenty meters abreast. Her shoes were nowhere to be seen; her helmet cracked down the middle. It was as if time had slowed down for me; I remember somersaulting through the air, over and over and over again. Like peering into the washing mashing and seeing my dirty laundry spin around and around, was the limp of my body, helpless and anticipating impact. I finally felt the ground below my feet and miraculously landed in a running stride, barefoot – where were my shoes and socks! The force must have blown them straight off my feet. I was dazed and confused. I frantically scanned my surroundings for my blonde princess. There she was, dead-still, alongside the farm fence…
Adrenaline is a fascinating chemical. I have never experienced adrenaline like I did that day; it was the most exhilarating yet simultaneously overwhelming feeling. In the first few months of dating Daniella, I wrote her car off in a head-on collision (a story for another day), and not even that experience came close to what I felt in this accident – something was different.
All the human body wants to do is survive, no matter what. The bodily systems will navigate the environment in such a way as to protect itself from whatever threat is looming. Why can some people remain calm in an emergency, and others completely lose their minds? Is that a matter of temperament(something you are born with), or is it a learned behavior? A type of grit that is produced through prior traumatic experiences?
I ran over to her; she was conscious but in a lot of pain and unable to move much initially. The bike was bent and battered but looked to have held up well, considering how many times it somersaulted down the road. A man approached on his mountain bike, pale as a ghost. His words ring loud and clear to this day: “How are you alive? I was expecting you both to be dead. I watched the accident unfold; it’s impossible you survived that!” I looked down and saw my leg had been cut, and it was bleeding a fair bit; I didn’t feel it, nor care about it. I needed to get us back home. The gentleman insisted he calls an ambulance. In my semi-conscious state, I remember telling him it would take a long time for the ambulance to find us on this dirt road in the middle of nowhere. It made sense to drive back to civilization if the bike would start. After numerous attempts, the bike finally did start – another miracle. I looked over, and she sat up. She was in excruciating pain and only managed some groaning sounds. To this day, I am still blown away at how tough this girl was. We helped her on the bike, and I headed back home…
What happened next is shameful. It took me many years to realise the impact of that decision; it defined who I would become.
Twenty-one-year-old Trevor was an idiot. Sixteen-year-old Trevor was an embarrassment. Thinking back to that time and the way I acted… It should have cost me much more than just a cut on my leg. I was pathetic, a coward, and not a man(boy) of character. I have learnt since then that we have a responsibility. To be Men of integrity and great character. This takes effort and daily decisions to be better than you were yesterday. This takes a man to step up to the plate and accept responsibility for his actions. To lay the excuses aside and take extreme ownership of his life. We need to be men, men of honour.
We arrived back at the campsite. I was ashamed, ashamed of what her parents would say/ think of me (her dad was a strict Afrikaans man and did not allow anyone to ride his daughter’s bike), ashamed about the crash, and ashamed of what my friend’s parents who I was staying with would think. My ego was bruised; no, it was shattered. I did not know what to do….Her parents were out shopping, so I just left her in her tent like a coward to fend for herself. In amongst her groan, she said she would be okay…
SHE WAS NOT OKAY! I should have called the ambulance – her pelvis was cracked in five places, and she had bad internal bleeding, not to mention a host of other injuries. Thankfully, her parents arrived soon and rushed her to the emergency room.
I was a pathetic little boy who left a concussed and broken girl to fend for herself in her tent, all because I couldn’t face up to the fact that I was not ready for this responsibility. My ego was bruised, and men do inhuman things when their egos are bruised. No wonder the pride of man is something God detests the most. I believe it’s one of our most significant faults as a man.
The decisions and actions I took put me in this position. I needed to face up to the fact that I had done this to her. I needed to take ownership and accept the responsibility. I couldn’t. I couldn’t call the ambulance, and I couldn’t call her parents. I just left her with multiple injuries in her tent while sheepishly tending to my wound.
The pride of man is a dangerous thing. Like many other wars, the great battle of TROY – the Trojan War, started because of a man’s pride. A man wanting to save face and revenge his bruised ego. The king could not accept that his wife didn’t want him; she loved another man who treated her much better. Pride makes us do stupid things. Pride also gets in the way of great things – “pride comes before the fall.” Take stock of your feelings when someone has hurt or disappointed you. Your immediate retaliation in that situation because of the hurt you experience will bring out a side of you that neither you like nor anybody else wants – people you love will be hurt so that you can protect your feelings.
Although it’s many years later, I want to think I am a better man. A man of virtue, courage, and sound character. I strive daily to be BETTER, better than I was yesterday, better than I was THAT DAY!
Life is a journey, not a destination, and every adventure along that linear path of time has a lesson to be learnt, understood, and grown from. Until the end of my days, I will learn from my adventures, faults, and failures. I will keep searching daily to refine and redefine who I am. Will you join me?
Will you now look into your own life this evening when your head hits your pillow and ask yourself; who am I today? Am I a better version of myself than yesterday? Have I learnt, grown, and redefined myself? Am I a better person for those around me that I love? If you can answer these questions with absolute unshakable honesty, you can be sure that you will rest in peace when you close your eyes tonight.
Experiencing a near-fatal accident can be a life-altering event that can teach you several valuable lessons. Here are a few possible lessons that you can apply to your own life’s story:
- The value of life: A brush with death can make you appreciate the preciousness of life and fragility. It can give you a renewed sense of purpose and a desire to make the most of your time on earth.
- The importance of safety: You may have learned the hard way that safety should always come first. This could include wearing proper protective gear, following traffic rules, maintaining your bike/car, and avoiding stupid behavior.
- The impact of your decisions: Your accident might have been caused by a poor decision you made, such as speeding or not paying attention to the road. This can make you more aware of the consequences of your actions and encourage you to make better choices in the future.
- The power of resilience: Recovering from a severe injury can require tremendous physical and mental strength. You may have learned that you are stronger and more resilient than you ever thought possible and that you can overcome even the most challenging obstacles with determination and perseverance.
- The value of support: During your recovery, you may have received help and support from family, friends, and healthcare professionals. This can make you appreciate the importance of having a support system in your life and encourage you to support others in need.
- The need to slow down: A near-fatal accident can be a wake-up call to slow down and enjoy life’s simple pleasures. This can mean taking time to appreciate the beauty of nature, spending quality time with loved ones, or pursuing a hobby or passion that brings you joy. A near-fatal accident can be a profound and life-changing experience that can teach you many important lessons. It can make you appreciate the value of life, safety, sound decision-making, resilience, support, and the need to slow down and enjoy life.
The only reason you survive an accident is not because you the luckiest or most blessed; you’re only alive as evidence for someone in the world to believe miracles still exist. – Bolutlife Ojeleke
Please do write to me. I would love to hear from you.
In your day, be courageous, confident, and curious.
Your Friend
Trev.
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