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Welcome to my weekly newsletter – Where I use real stories from my life to unpack lessons and insights I have learnt. I hope you enjoy the material and gain something impactful to apply to your life.
What’s in store:
- Five key lessons.
- Munich – the most underrated city by a country mile.
- I am A type and she is Italian. There is no backing down!
- We visited a psychologist…
- Quote: Love is the food of life, travel is the dessert.
Parts 1, 2 & 3, including my other newsletters, will soon be on my site
We decided that as fantastic as the Amalfi coast was, which is different from the edited photos we see online. Don’t get me wrong, it certainly has its appeal, but it is not the vibrant pop of colour hanging over the cliffs of the Mediterranean that you see on Pinterest. It’s bland, dated, and dirty for the most part. These cities are thousands of years old, so it’s to be expected. We thought the best thing to do to save our relationship was to head north. We had friends in Germany, and spending time with familiar faces would do us good. Plus, they had two little kids that Kai could play with, and this could hopefully give us a little breathing room to connect and hash out some of the clear stumbling blocks in our way.
Lesson #1 – Follow your gut. Stepping out of Italy for a few weeks and into Germany was the best move we could have made. Yes, it cost more, throwing the planned trip out the window. However, it was worth every penny because this was the beginning of saving our relationship. Without this detour, the blatant butting of heads would have continued, with us subconsciously expecting a different result. Is that not the definition of Insanity?
Summer in Munich is one of the best places I have ever been to. It blew my socks off because I had no expectations. I was amazed by the city. If you are an outdoor enthusiast and enjoy the vibe of other people doing what you love, then you have met your match. The forests and parks running through the middle of the city are exquisite, not to mention the Eishbach and Iser river. That runs through the city. You can drink that water no matter where you are in the city; it is clear and pure. Thousands of people line the Isar river sunbathing, playing games, and drinking beer (which they keep in crates in the river as it’s rather chilly). There is even the “perfect wave” that surfers flock to go surf. There are boomboxes, beer pong tables, hacky sacks, football; you name it, the activity is enjoyed along the banks of the river. It felt like a massive music festival that meandered through the city along this river. In the forests, you have permanent table tennis tables, basketball courts, and jungle gyms for kids and adults… the list goes on. It is the outdoor enthusiast’s dream city. Then you get the beer gardens in summer! Now, these are just on another level. They are so festive and yet so orderly. They were undoubtedly a highlight for me.
Enjoying this time in Munich with friends and embracing the city helped us break away from the clashing of heads and focus on something different. This doesn’t mean the problems disappear; they just get deferred to “not now.”
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Lesson #2 – The illusion – Be very careful when you are going through a tough season in your relationship to think that going on some getaway or holiday will sort out your problems, and they will be forgotten. I am sorry to say, but that bastard travels with you. Yes, the change of scenery and new stimulus of a new environment might help for a little while, but I bet you that you will have an even greater blow-up at some point in your trip than you would have had at home. If you are one of the “lucky ones” and can mitigate and navigate your holiday without conflict, don’t worry; when you get home, it will come out of the kennel and bite you in the ass. The point is, do not book a holiday to run from your problems. Deal with your troubles head-on, then secure the holiday as a reward for dealing with them. You will have the best time and grow to love each other more.
Our friends recommended that we not return to Italy just yet and head to Austria. They were heading to the USA to visit family, so they were kind enough to lend us their car. We canceled our accommodation in Italy (thankfully without a penalty) and headed to Austria. Now Austria was on both our bucket lists, probably because we were forced to watch the sound of music when we were kids (I actually kind of enjoyed the movie). We knew it was a winter wonderland. However, we would be there in summer, so we had yet to decide what to expect. Let me tell you, Austria in summer is breathtaking, I mean spectacular. The Alps draw you in. You can not help but be mesmerized by the beauty and not to mention the perfection of everything in that country. The houses, the streets, the towns, the flowers…It’s a little ridiculous. I said Italy looks better on Instagram with its filters. Austria has a filter in real life, and it just doesn’t seem real.
Lesson #3 – Give it a chance; it may surprise you. We thought hiking the Alps with a one-and-a-half-year-old was risky business, as we hadn’t ever hiked with her before, and we didn’t know how she would take being in a backpack for hours. That girl wants to stretch her legs on the open road – she wants to run! However, we realized that YOLO (you only live once) was the attitude we needed to embrace, so we did it. We headed up the mountains with little kai on my back. She fell asleep within the first 30min. I knew this was our chance to capitalize, so we hiked hard to get as high as possible. She bounced around like Lewis Hamilton in his porpoising Mercedes as I walked, but thankfully stayed asleep for an hour. It was a glorious time for Daniella and me. We embraced the beauty around us, chatted through our struggles and frustrations, and laughed together. This experience was food for the soul and exactly what we needed.
There is something about nature that completely revitalizes my body and mind. To say it is therapeutic is an understatement. But then… you get to the Alps in the summer – they are on a new level. I appreciate you, table mountain, and I still think you are pretty awesome, but…THE ALPS! I struggle to be up there in that majesty and wonder and then choose to believe no creator orchestrated all of this for his enjoyment(and mine). That does not add up to me. It Is just too magnificent.
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We left Austria feeling like we had been granted a second chance; the mountains had recharged us and given us a new perspective. We realized how small we are, how minor our problems are, and how big God is. We try to fit God into a box of incomprehension. We want to know why and the reality is that that’s not even a question we can begin to consider. Our problem as humans is that we want to use our simple minds to unpack the glory and wonder that is a being so far beyond anything we could even begin to imagine. Don’t try to understand something that can’t be understood. Just be.
We dropped the car back in Germany and caught a bus that night at 7:00 pm for Genoa, Italy. We would arrive at 6:00 am. Kai was not a happy chappy on that bus, nor were the other passengers. The bus was packed, and kai was the only kid. Had we just undone everything we had recently experienced and learned in Austria? Daniella and I were annoyed and frustrated. Kai wanted new parents. She was done with us.
Lesson #4 – Know your shortcomings and then work on them. I know patience is a real battle for me, like a real battle. Step one is becoming aware of your flaws. They say acknowledging your weaknesses is the first step in the right direction. I have no issue with acknowledging my shortcomings. It’s step 2 I need help with. Becoming better at not doing what I know is not admirable or attractive. I need to work on self-control in situations where my patience is tested. If we have “self-control,” we have everything we need to live out our full potential. We can achieve our goals and our dreams. Self-control is discipline; it is consistency. It is everything! Self-control over your temptations, your emotions, and feelings is a game-changer. Your life will be changed forever!
Arriving in Genoa, we were good but could have been better. I suddenly realised that I had made a monumental error with our booking. It was 06:00 am, and we could only check in at 2:00 pm. Do you know how long that is with a baby? I had completely undone all of Austria’s excellent work in a moment. We found a crusty bench down near the docs. We had all our bags, so we couldn’t do anything besides get a cafe (coffee) and wait it out. Kai was so over us as parents. How could we expect her to sit around for 8hrs on a bench and do nothing? We didn’t get a wink of sleep on that bus, so picture this 8 hours in the sun with a toddler…I would rather take a needle to my pupil than do that again.
Lesson #5 – Give credit where credit is due and suck it up. Until now, I haven’t given Kai much praise for her actions on the trip. I need to change that! This little human was an absolute trooper. From busses to trains, walks, runs, late nights and early mornings, and scorching days, she sucked it up, went with it, and hardly ever complained. She was incredible! This was a lesson for Daniella and me. Suck it up, get on with it, and make no excuses. Only in the last two days of our trip did she release the Kraken and turn into a baby troll monster(she must have finally hit her limit with us, which I was surprised wasn’t weeks back!). Other than that, she was honestly just incredible. We were blessed.
We drank lots of coffee and did our best to stay awake and entertain her. Thankfully it was only thirty degrees and not forty. Our accommodation had the most spectacular view over the harbor, making things feel slightly better. Good friends flew in from the Uk to spend a few nights with us. Again, this lifted the spirits, and we had an incredible time missioning and exploring with them. It is awesome how familiarity in an unfamiliar place brings peace and stability.
We decided that seeing a psychologist would benefit us while on our travels, and boy, were we right. We only managed two sessions, but these were brilliant. She gave us a new perspective on our problems and each other and tools to implement in our day-to-day lives. I highly recommend this, especially to men who think this is “beneath them.” That mentality is short-sighted on your part. You don’t want the conflict; you want to live in a peaceful home with a happy wife. Then let someone help you sort out those problems. You are the one that benefits the most from the equation at the end of the day.
Daniella and I both have strong personalities. Me being A type, and her just being Italian. We naturally bump heads often. Neither of us wants to back down! This takes much work. This takes much communication. This takes a new perspective. This means I need to work on my patience. This means I need to shut up! This takes me stepping up and being the man she deserves. I only sometimes get it right; I have a long way to go. We both know that we came first and then Kai. So we are responsible for putting each other first to be the best parents for her and to her. We have decided together that no matter how much we want out. We stick it out just that little longer because we know that tides turn and seasons change. We know that if we both work on ourselves and our relationship with each other, the pain in the night will turn to joy in the morning. The sun will rise and give us another chance to choose each other. To choose to be better for each other, and to choose love all over again.
Love is the food of life, travel is the dessert – Amanda Jane Sturges.
In your day, be courageous, confident, and curious.
Your Friend
Trev.
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